{"id":627,"date":"2013-01-29T18:00:08","date_gmt":"2013-01-29T17:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rickzullo.com\/?p=627"},"modified":"2017-06-22T17:22:58","modified_gmt":"2017-06-22T15:22:58","slug":"the-expat-experience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/the-expat-experience\/","title":{"rendered":"The Expat Experience"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cThe thing about the rat race\u00a0is that even if you win, you\u2019re still a rat.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We’ve\u00a0all entertained the fantasy at one time or another: tell the boss to \u201cvaffanculo<\/a>,\u201d pack two suitcases and head to the airport with no reservations and only the faintest notion of a plan.\u00a0 The Great Escape, we could call it, and the destination is almost beside the point.\u00a0 Half a day later we\u2019d arrive on the other side of the world where we\u2019d forget all of our troubles and start over with the proverbial clean slate.\u00a0 Appealing,\u00a0isn’t\u00a0it?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"the<\/p>\n

Yes, it is, and as one who has actually done it, I can verify that those first days\/weeks\/months are just as sweet as you can imagine.\u00a0 So now you\u2019re ready for me to tell you the bad news.\u00a0 Except that there really\u00a0isn’t\u00a0any bad<\/i> news; rather just a slow realization that, \u201cno matter where you go, there you are.\u201d\u00a0 If you\u00a0weren’t\u00a0happy back home, then ultimately you won\u2019t be happy anywhere else, either.\u00a0 However if you already have your head on straight, then being an expat presents some really unique opportunities for adventure and self-discovery.<\/p>\n

To make this metamorphosis complete, ideally you should choose a destination where you don\u2019t speak the local language, or at least not fluently.\u00a0 This is the true reset:\u00a0you’ve\u00a0become a child again, seeing the world for the first time. \u00a0You are forced to approach the world more deliberately.\u00a0 You must attend to your primary needs and cerebral thoughts (or worries) are not even an option.<\/p>\n

Beyond the language, you must also learn social protocols, which can be even more elusive.\u00a0 Then there are the practicalities of daily life\u2014shopping, banking, using public transportation, etc.\u00a0 At first, you\u2019re surprised that these things\u00a0aren’t\u00a0more universal and in line with what\u00a0you’ve\u00a0always known.\u00a0 After\u00a0you’ve\u00a0discovered that they\u00a0aren’t\u00a0 then you start to question why \u201cthey\u201d can\u2019t just do things the \u201cnormal\u201d way (i.e. the \u201cbetter\u201d way) like they do back home?\u00a0 But if you stay long enough, the third evolution of this thought process turns the question around: why can\u2019t \u201cwe\u201d occasionally do things like \u201cthem?\u201d Now you\u2019re starting to really appreciate this new life and your mind opens up to all sorts of possibilities.\u00a0 The notion of an absolute truth begins to fade away.<\/p>\n

Of course, this all assumes that\u00a0you’ve\u00a0actually entered into the local culture and not sequestered yourself inside an expat-only community or five-star accommodations where the English language and American-style comforts cloister you from the very environment that\u00a0you’ve\u00a0come to experience.\u00a0 This would be a huge mistake and the missed chance of a lifetime.<\/p>\n

Get a real apartment in a real neighborhood and not in Piazza Navona or on the Via Veneto\u2014even if you can<\/i> afford it. Get a job, if you can. Learn to speak Italian<\/a>, obviously. Don\u2019t be afraid to get lost, to get dirty, or to embarrass yourself over and over again. In fact, you should heartily embrace this attitude and seek out situations where the opportunity for a colossal public blunder is almost guaranteed.<\/p>\n

This is how you gain real knowledge; not by reading or observing or studying, but by living and doing. At some point over the last 25 years we began to mistake information for knowledge\u2014they are not the same thing. \u00a0You’ve\u00a0got all the information about Italy that you need right there on your computer via the Internet.\u00a0 But that\u2019s not going to help you drive a car through Rome during rush hour. You\u2019re going to have to get dirty. \u00a0(And learn a few helpful hand gestures, too!)<\/p>\n

The Joys of the Expat Experience<\/h2>\n

There are some huge advantages to being an expat. First, \u201ctheir\u201d social problems are not your social problems, so you are free to enjoy the good things about their culture and leave the distasteful things for \u201cthem\u201d to deal with. Furthermore, the problems of your own native country are now distant, and so those concerns no longer affect you either. It\u2019s sort of a social limbo that exempts you from taking a side in most debates.\u00a0 You can just shrug and claim ignorance (which is usually not that big of a leap). This can seem like a great relief after 30, 40, or 50 years of giving a shit.<\/p>\n

\"expats<\/p>\n

Then there is your new role as \u201clo straniero<\/i>,\u201d the foreigner.\u00a0 Not that an American in Rome is exactly a novelty, but still, you are always viewed as something out of the ordinary.\u00a0 You\u2019re suddenly special and the only thing that\u00a0you’ve\u00a0done to deserve this special status is that\u00a0you’ve\u00a0come from someplace else.\u00a0I’ve\u00a0even had the experience of being the first American that a person had ever met.\u00a0 I was grocery shopping one day at a small market in a suburb of Rome. When I was checking out, the young clerk noted my obvious foreign accent and she asked me, \u201cMa, \u00e8 inglese, Lei?<\/i>\u201d (But you are English, sir?)<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, sono Americano<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFigo<\/i>!\u201d (Cool!)<\/p>\n

As for the Italians in general, well, as a whole\u00a0they’ve\u00a0been extremely tolerant of me and my ignorance. Beyond tolerant, actually,\u00a0they’ve\u00a0been nothing but welcoming and gracious and have often gone out of their way to help me adapt.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have the heart to tell them that I don\u2019t really want to adapt.\u00a0 I like the feeling of always being slightly disoriented, of feeling out of place\u2014it keeps me mindful and in the moment. I like focusing on the little things.\u00a0 I want to remain in that blissful purgatory where I only have to worry if my pasta is al dente<\/i>, and not about the unemployment rate or the corrupt politics or the immigration problem. An expat can choose this selective existence\u2014at least for a while.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a general rule that expats everywhere appreciate their new home more than the locals\u00a0who’ve\u00a0always lived there. Every day I\u2019m struck by the miracles of human achievement that surround me here in Rome.\u00a0 Yet, I can\u2019t tell you how many Italians have said to me, \u201cI want to leave Italy for a while so that I can come back as a tourist.\u201d This makes sense, I think\u2014we all tend to take our surroundings for granted.\u00a0 It\u2019s nearly\u00a0inconceivable\u00a0to me that historical marvels such as the Coliseum, the Forums, and the Pantheon could ever be taken for granted. But then again I\u00a0didn’t\u00a0grow up in Rome, so it\u2019s difficult to imagine this perspective.<\/p>\n

Tu vuo\u2019 fa l\u2019italiano?<\/h2>\n

I wonder what the statistics are concerning American expats in Italy? And I don\u2019t mean those who are here on work assignment or military service or something like that.\u00a0 I\u2019m more curious about those who \u201cfell in love with Italy\u201d by watching a movie or seeing an opera or something like that and then came here to find La Dolce Vita. \u00a0How many stay and how many go back home two months later disillusioned?\u00a0 Certainly this second group is the majority.\u00a0 Life here can be very hard at times and not always so \u201cbella<\/i>.\u201d Believe me, you can find some truly horrible food\/restaurants in Rome.\u00a0 There is a constant battle to keep the graffiti off the monuments and the trash out of the streets. And no, not everybody is charmed to make your acquaintance, Signor Americano<\/i>.\"rome<\/p>\n

Many people don\u2019t really want to face this gritty reality.\u00a0 They want to maintain their Hollywood version of Italy and they seem to resent Italy and the Italians for not delivering it to them. That\u2019s too bad, because if you stick around long enough you can still discover that same magical sentiment, if not the exact same cast and scenery.\u00a0 Italy is a real place, not a gift-wrapped backdrop to our fantasies.<\/p>\n

But I can assure you that it is a country full of both miracles and tragedies\u2014and for me, that is its appeal. There is no room for anything generic. You are constantly exposed to the full range of emotions. \u00a0After a few months, you will have some very strong opinions about this place\u2014they will either be adoring or\u00a0despising\u00a0and nowhere near the middle of the road. You must engage and participate\u2014Italy will not allow a true expat to simply go along for the ride.\u00a0 Why would you want to, anyway?<\/p>\n

\u201cTwo roads diverged in a wood\u2026\u201d<\/h2>\n

Rome is certainly not the road less traveled.\u00a0 Even before the advent of mass tourism, millions of travelers had passed through the city gates.\u00a0 However, what is<\/i> less traveled is the true expat road\u2014the one where you step out of your comfort zone and expose yourself to real life. \u00a0But be warned; it changes you. \u00a0You\u2019ll see some things that you would have rather not seen and maybe learn some things about yourself that you would have rather not known. But you\u2019ll be better off for it in the end.<\/p>\n

So pick a destination: if not Rome, then somewhere else in Italy.\u00a0 If not in Italy, then somewhere else in the world.\u00a0 It\u2019s not about the place, it\u2019s about you. The key idea is to remove yourself from familiar habits in order to break that dull hypnotic trance.\u00a0 Open your eyes and have a look around.\u00a0 Being an expat\u2014whether for six months or ten years\u2014can (and should) be the best experience of your adult life.\u00a0 Now pack a bag and start planning what you\u2019re going to say to your boss.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cThe thing about the rat race\u00a0is that even if you win, you\u2019re still a rat.\u201d We’ve\u00a0all entertained the fantasy at one time or another: tell the boss to \u201cvaffanculo,\u201d pack two suitcases and head to the airport with no reservations and only the faintest notion of a plan.\u00a0 The Great Escape, we could call it, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4994,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,37],"tags":[49,52,81,28,15,82,79,83,14,78,80],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/627"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=627"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/627\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4994"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}