{"id":355,"date":"2012-12-08T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-12-08T05:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rickzullo.com\/?p=355"},"modified":"2019-11-18T20:58:28","modified_gmt":"2019-11-18T19:58:28","slug":"italian-ailments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/italian-ailments\/","title":{"rendered":"The Perils of Being Italian"},"content":{"rendered":"
As much as I would have liked to politely ignore the obvious incongruity, I simply couldn’t let it pass. \u201cMay I ask why you\u2019re wearing a scarf wrapped around your neck\u2026in Miami\u2026in July\u2026in the middle of the afternoon?\u201dMy Italian friend, just off the plane on her Florida vacation, seemed unfazed by the question and answered me in a very matter-of-fact way. \u201cI was hit by the air yesterday.\u201d The perplexed look on my face must have betrayed my confusion, so she persisted, \u201cUn colpo d\u2019aria<\/em>,\u201d as if it was the most obvious thing. \u201cCome si dice in inglese<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n I had no idea what the hell she was talking about or how to translate it into English. My Italian was (and still is) bad, but this wasn\u2019t really a linguistic issue. The fact is, we don\u2019t have a word for it in English because it\u2019s an \u201cillness\u201d that doesn\u2019t exist in our culture<\/strong>.<\/p>\n This incident happened about four years ago, but it sparked an odd sort of obsession for me\u2014it has become my mission to unravel and attempt to explain all of the bizarre Italian ailments that are endemic to the citizens of the Bel Paese<\/em>.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll give you another example: the fanatical avoidance of bathing for at least<\/em> four hours after eating<\/strong>. In this case, language differences clouds the issue even further. In Italian, you don\u2019t really say \u201cnuotare<\/em>,\u201d to indicate that you\u2019re going swimming, you say \u201cfare un bagno<\/em>.\u201d Which is the same phrase used to say, \u201ctake a bath,\u201d as in the bathtub. When someone once told me that he couldn\u2019t take a bath because he had just eaten \u201conly\u201d two hours ago, I assumed that he meant that he didn\u2019t want to swim in the ocean.<\/p>\n This almost made sense, because he could (in theory) get a stomach cramp and drown. A long shot, yes, but I used to hear my own grandmother dispense this same advice when I was a child. However, he was literally <\/em>talking about taking a BATH\u2026in the BATHTUB, for God\u2019s sake! Where precisely does the danger lurk, I ask you? What\u2019s even more incredible is that this perceived risk is further extrapolated to include the shower. Oh, the perils of eating before showering, my friends!<\/p>\n Speaking of eating, I\u2019ve also discovered a national anxiety over one\u2019s digestion<\/strong>. The typical conversation goes something like this:<\/p>\n \u201cHow was your dinner last night?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cVery good, and I had no problems digesting it.\u201d<\/p>\n Well, that\u2019s interesting, but probably more information than I needed. By the way, how are you urinating these days? And are you perspiring without discomfort? Is your swallowing satisfactory, as well? Great, glad to hear it.<\/p>\n \u200bSome restaurants, particularly pizzerias, have a habit of advertising their product as \u201cAlta Digeribilit\u00e0<\/em>,\u201d highly digestible, as if this quality above all is required of a pizza. Now don\u2019t get me wrong, I too would prefer to digest my pizza sooner or later. But I can think of at least a dozen different adjectives that I would seek out before being swayed by the digestibility quotient<\/strong> or whatever. How about delicious, authentic, natural, fresh, \u201cgoes well with beer?\u201d These seem logical, no?<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Highly Digestible!<\/p>\n In fact, let\u2019s move the discussion to beer, wine, and other alcoholic beverages. One afternoon, I was at an enoteca<\/em> relishing an incredible glass of Super Tuscan when an Italian friend of mine walked in. After greeting him, I offered to buy him a glass of the sublime nectar that I was presently enjoying. His response was, \u201cNo, thank you, I haven\u2019t eaten much today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, so? What\u2019s the problem?\u201d<\/p>\n