“Piacere di conoscerLa, signorina.”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nThe same use of this courtesy form occurs when speaking to somebody older than you, or when you are approaching a professional person that you are working with.\u00a0 \u00a0Often you might address them with the third person \u201cLei<\/i>\u201d form of the verb plus<\/i> the title that the person has (Dottor, Maestro, Avvocato<\/i>, etc.)<\/p>\n
Funny how such a (supposedly) warm population likes to keep this type of formality, right?<\/p>\n
If the use of \u201cLei<\/i>\u201d and other titles might persist in certain formal occasions, once you have introduced yourself to a person you might ask politely if he or she is comfortable with the friendlier and more direct \u201ctu<\/i>,\u201d corresponding to the English \u201cyou.\u201d (Possiamo darci del tu<\/i>?) In almost every case, the person will agree with your request.<\/p>\n
This is actually an opportunity to warm up quickly to a person that you\u2019ve just met. \u00a0If you like the person, you\u2019ll invite him\/her to give you the <\/i>\u201ctu<\/i>\u201d right away. \u00a0Note that the one who\u2019s in charge of suggesting such a switch is the one of the higher social standing (i.e. your boss can tell you to use the \u201ctu<\/i>,\u201d but you cannot suggest it to him).\u00a0 And even if he\/she addresses you<\/i> in the \u201ctu<\/i>,\u201d you should still use the \u201cLei<\/i>\u201d with them until asked to do otherwise.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, you can switch back to a \u201cLei<\/i>\u201d after a short \u201ctu<\/i>\u201d phase if the person does something that offends you, and you want to put that distance back in place again. \u00a0In fact, in the middle of an argument you might remind the person, \u201cMi dia del Lei<\/i>\u201d to let them know openly that they\u2019ve pissed you off and you want to keep your distance.<\/p>\n
I have a foreign friend in Rome who happens to speak excellent Italian.\u00a0 Maybe too excellent for his own good.\u00a0 I once watched him get into a heated argument with an employee at a clothing shop in which he invited her to, \u201cVada a fare in culo<\/i>,\u201d which is to say, \u201cVaffanculo<\/i>\u201d (Go F***<\/i> yourself!!) in the most polite way possible.\u00a0 Incredible that he could be so angry and so polite at the same time.<\/p>\n
The reasoning for this linguistic eccentricity is best explained by Luigi Barzini in his seminal book, The Italians<\/i>.\u00a0 He says: \u201cThis form of address, the third person singular, is left over from the Spanish rulers.\u00a0 It is a conventional way of talking not<\/i> directly to a man, but to his aura, so to speak, to a shadowy persona, la sua signoria<\/i>, his lordship.\u201d<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t worry too much about this; I merely want to point out the existence of this phenomenon, which permeates social graces as well as the language.\u00a0 Just understand that Italians are big on formalities, politeness, and respect for age, social status, and titles.<\/p>\n
But being a foreigner, they realize that you\u2019re not acquainted with this practice and they will usually give you plenty of leeway in your manner of speaking. \u00a0Also, in Rome the \u201cLei<\/i>\u201d might be used less than anywhere else in Italy. \u00a0Perhaps this is due to the Latin inheritance, since Latin does not have such a form.\u00a0 So relax and just do as the Romans do.<\/p>\n
Perhaps more importantly for the visitor to Italy would be to abandon the idea of \u201cgetting right to the point,\u201d whether you\u2019re speaking in Italian or English. \u00a0Italians don\u2019t like this way of conversing, and in fact are a bit put off by a person who forgets to say \u201cgood day\u201d or \u201chow are you?\u201d before launching into his or her series of questions and demands.\u00a0 It\u2019s a good practice to slow down a bit and let the conversation warm up more naturally instead of reducing it to merely an exchange of information.\u00a0 And don\u2019t forget to say \u201cgrazie<\/i>\u201d at the end.<\/p>\nA History of Proper Decorum<\/h2>\n
I came across an excellent article on the Italy Magazine<\/i><\/a> website that addressed this exact topic and traced the historical evolution of these customs.\u00a0 Very interesting, indeed.\u00a0 The author reminds us of the Italian authority on such social graces, \u201cIl Galateo overo de\u2019 costume<\/i>,\u201d is a treatise of polite behavior written by Giovanni Della Casa in 1558 for the benefit of his nephew, a young Florentine destined for greatness.\u00a0 You can see where some of these things are still held in esteem today in Italy, even if other countries have found reason to abandon such \u201crigorous\u201d decorum.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n- \u201cOne should not annoy others with such stuff as dreams, especially since most dreams are by and large idiotic.\u201d<\/li>\n
- \u201cTo offer your advice without being asked is nothing else but a way of saying that you are wiser than those you are giving advice to, and even a reproof for their ignorance and lack of knowledge.\u201d<\/li>\n
- \u201cIt is a barbarous habit to challenge someone to a drinking bout. This is not one of our Italian customs and so we give it a foreign name, that is, far brindisi<\/i>.\u201d<\/li>\n
- \u201cWe do not have the power to change customs as we see fit, for it is time that creates them and likewise time consumes them. Everyone, however, may adapt the current fashion to his own personal style.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Good Manners are always in fashion<\/h2>\n
There might be a time in the future when the etiquette of behavior and the courtesy forms of speech will be extinguished from Italian society\u2014but not in your lifetime. \u00a0Until then, try to be aware of who you\u2019re talking to and what strata of society that they belong to. \u00a0Overdosing on courtesy forms and titles can still be very flattering to many Italians, whether it’s your boss or a beautiful woman<\/a> (or her mother, if you get that far). \u00a0Show some understanding of the local rules. \u00a0It\u2019s always a good thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Everybody knows (or at least assumes) that Italians are a warm, friendly people.\u00a0 But beneath the surface of this easy, genteel exterior lays a refined undertone of rigid customs and etiquette in Italy that might not be apparent to the foreigner at first glance. I’ve talked previously about the concept of fare una bella figura […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5664,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,179],"tags":[49,173,156,484,52,28,32],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2090"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2090"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2090\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11863,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2090\/revisions\/11863"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5664"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2090"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2090"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2090"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}