{"id":1569,"date":"2013-08-14T15:19:23","date_gmt":"2013-08-14T13:19:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rickzullo.com\/?p=1569"},"modified":"2021-09-11T22:12:22","modified_gmt":"2021-09-11T20:12:22","slug":"how-to-dress-like-an-italian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/how-to-dress-like-an-italian\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Dress Like an Italian"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"dress<\/a>
Una bella figura<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Upon further reflection, perhaps this post should have been entitled, \u201chow not <\/i><\/span>to dress like an Italian.\u201d\u00a0 On this specific topic, I am most certainly an expert.<\/p>\n

It was 2008, during my fourth trip to Italy, and I was sitting at a pub in Bologna with an Italian friend.\u00a0 We were ready for some more drinks, so I offered to go get them from the bar.<\/p>\n

I popped out of my seat and walked confidently up to the bartender, anxious to try out the three or four phrases of Italian <\/a>that I had memorized for precisely such occasions.\u00a0 Just as I was about to open my mouth to speak, he asked me in English, \u201cWhat can I get for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

I was taken aback, my whole script thrown out of sequence in the blink of an eye.\u00a0 I tried to quickly recover, to mentally fast forward to my next line, but I was too flustered.\u00a0 Instead I hung my head and uttered meekly, \u201cTwo beers, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

Damn it! I really wanted to try out my Italian.\u00a0 I shuffled back towards my friend, dejected, carrying the two sweaty bottles of Peroni.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat bartender is an asshole,\u201d I proclaimed, dropping the beers on the table with more force than necessary.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s as if he knew I was an American before I even got within 10 feet of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

My friend shrugged and replied, \u201cOf course he did.\u00a0 Anyway, it\u2019s not that he knew you were American<\/i>, specifically. He only knew that you were definitely not<\/i> Italian.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow so?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even get a chance to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it\u2019s obvious.\u00a0 I mean, look how you\u2019re dressed.\u201d<\/p>\n

She puffed out a long sigh, evidently dreading the brutal honesty that was forthcoming.\u00a0 \u201cOK, listen.\u00a0 To begin with, your jeans don\u2019t fit you properly.\u00a0 And you\u2019ve got too many colors in that shirt.\u00a0 In fact, I can\u2019t even concentrate when I look at it\u2014it makes me dizzy.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get me started on your shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wow, really?\u00a0 Back in Florida, I\u2019d often poke fun at people with no taste in clothes.\u00a0 But here in Italy it appeared that I<\/i> was the fashion victim. Like everything else in Italia, there\u2019s always more than initially meets the eye, and the presence of an underlying rationale seems either absent, or far too cryptic for foreign brains to decipher.<\/p>\n

You may chuckle, O\u2019 Gentle Reader, thinking you are more \u201calla moda<\/i>\u201d than I.\u00a0 That might very well be true, but don\u2019t believe for a second that you won\u2019t stand out to the Italians. And it\u2019s not just the massive camera hanging from your neck, or the city map that you are using to make abstract origami in the middle of the piazza; nor is it the tentative tone in which you mispronounce the name of the pasta dish that you\u2019d like to order for lunch.<\/p>\n

No.\u00a0Even if you said nothing and removed all of your tourist-related equipment, the Italians would certainly have you pegged as a straniero<\/i> simply by the cut of your pants.\u00a0 How they do this, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 It\u2019s a type of clairvoyance that I haven\u2019t fully worked out yet.\u00a0 But I have definitely learned some of the most common mistakes, which I will now share with you.\u00a0 This list is by no means exhaustive.<\/p>\n

A few DON\u2019Ts:<\/h2>\n

Don\u2019t wear flip-flops unless you\u2019re at the beach or pool. Lose those white, shapeless, fisherman\u2019s hats.\u00a0 Yes ladies, I\u2019m taking to you, too.<\/p>\n

\"bad
Really? Do they still make these?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

No fanny packs.\u00a0 I shouldn\u2019t have to mention this one, but one glance around Piazza Navona tells me that it\u2019s still necessary.<\/p>\n

No short-shorts, micro-mini skirts, or tank tops.\u00a0 Have a little dignity, for the love.<\/p>\n

If you, your spouse, and your children are all wearing matching outfits, then one or more of you looks totally ridiculous.\u00a0 And it\u2019s probably not your children.<\/p>\n

No socks with sandals.\u00a0 I almost wrote that you shouldn\u2019t wear white<\/i> socks with sandals, but honestly, once you\u2019ve made the decision to wear the socks, does the color really matter?<\/p>\n

No do-rags or skull caps.\u00a0 Very few people pull off this look\u2014and you\u2019re not one of them.<\/p>\n

No American\/British flags emblazoned on your clothing.\u00a0 The locals know where you\u2019re from, believe me.<\/p>\n

Furthermore, no Italian flags on your clothes\u2014again, for the same reason as above.<\/p>\n

No Bermuda shorts.\u00a0 Unless you\u2019re from Bermuda.<\/p>\n

Nothing made of lycra, spandex, or see-through mesh.\u00a0 I realize that you want to be comfortable, but nobody really wants to see all that.<\/p>\n

No silly t-shirts with clever sayings. (Example: \u201cIf you like my meatballs wait til you see my salami!\u201d)<\/p>\n

\"godfather,<\/a>
A t-shirt you can’t refuse<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

No \u201cGodfather\u201d t-shirts, either.\u00a0 It\u2019s insulting to everybody.\u00a0 And why \u201cScarface?\u201d\u00a0 Yes, Al Pacino is a great Italian-American actor, but the Scarface character is actually Cuban, people.<\/p>\n

Bright-colored shoes, impudent amounts of jewelry, complicated headgear, and other strange accessories should be reserved only for Carnevale<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Dress Like an Italian<\/h2>\n

This is about all that I\u2019ve got to offer at this time.\u00a0 My suggestions certainly won\u2019t help you dress like an Italian, but at least you won\u2019t bring too much shame on yourself and your country of origin. \u00a0It\u2019s a start\u2026<\/p>\n

But now I\u2019m intrigued by this topic and I\u2019m going to do some more research.\u00a0 I need to update my own wardrobe anyway, so this is a good opportunity to do so.\u00a0 Who knows, maybe I\u2019ll eventually be able to tap into that supernatural ability that\u2019s programmed into every Italian from birth.\u00a0 It\u2019s the next logical step in my indoctrination process.\u00a0 I’ve been adapting nicely to the food philosophy for quite some time. \u00a0If I can master the knack for fashion, all that will remain to complete the transformation is to take up smoking and learning how to park on the sidewalk.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Upon further reflection, perhaps this post should have been entitled, \u201chow not to dress like an Italian.\u201d\u00a0 On this specific topic, I am most certainly an expert. It was 2008, during my fourth trip to Italy, and I was sitting at a pub in Bologna with an Italian friend.\u00a0 We were ready for some more […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5576,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[157,5],"tags":[159,158,129,153,24],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1569"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5576"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}