{"id":11684,"date":"2021-02-14T14:14:00","date_gmt":"2021-02-14T13:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/?p=11684"},"modified":"2022-02-08T02:44:43","modified_gmt":"2022-02-08T01:44:43","slug":"top-20-things-to-know-when-dating-an-italian-girl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/top-20-things-to-know-when-dating-an-italian-girl\/","title":{"rendered":"Top 20 Things to Know When Dating an Italian Girl"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The idea of dating an Italian girl might seem exciting to many foreign men. But it is not without its pitfalls, risks, and countless opportunities for public embarrassment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, the payoff may be worth it, as Italian girls are known to be passionate, sweet (when they\u2019re in the mood to be), and of course, very beautiful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you want to know how to impress Italian girl, there are a few cultural differences to keep in mind to minimize the potential for “fare una brutta figura<\/em>,” making a bad impression<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dating Italian Women<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It is extremely tricky to discern something as unwritten and subtle as courtship protocols in another country. Perhaps even more so in Italy where the art of the pursuit is considered paramount to the dating ritual. Yes, it is a \u201cgame\u201d in every sense, and if you don\u2019t know how to play, obviously you will lose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, while knowing the rules of this game<\/a> is important, that doesn\u2019t mean that you have to follow them to a tee. Indeed, making up your own rules might even be the best strategy for foreign men in Italy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With that said, below you’ll find some the top tips to help you compete. This list is by no means exhaustive, and at times there are points that seem contradictory. But again, cultures are complex, and the best knowledge comes with experience. But with these top 20 tips you’ll be off to a great start!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Italian girls expect to be pursued.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re trying to play it cool, you may come off as being lazy and not interested (or interesting) enough to be worth their attention. While \u201clove bombing\u201d might border on stalking in some countries, in Italy, it\u2019s a requirement if you want to be taken seriously. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It doesn\u2019t have to be expensive gifts or acts of physical risk. But you do need to exaggerate your desire for the Italian girl in question, or she\u2019ll simply ignore you in favor of guys with more swagger. And if you find yourself wondering if you\u2019re OVER exaggerating, I promise you it\u2019s still not enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bottom line: Italian women expect to be conquered, so be prepared to put the hours in and dedicate yourself to some serious romance. So be persistent, stopping just short of being a stalker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be chivalrous. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In Italy it\u2019s polite for a man to open the door and walk through first with the woman behind you<\/strong>. In the past, a man would enter an establishment first to ensure it was safe for his lady, and it was not considered proper for a woman to walk into a place by herself. These days, a man walking through a door first is merely a gesture of respect<\/a> and consideration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good looks are important.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

But this requires a deeper explanation. It is NOT to suggest that your face must have that movie star quality, or you must possess the physique of a bodybuilder. Rather, your clothes must be well-matched and fit your shape properly. Your grooming should be impeccable, and your accessories should be of a quality brand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

On this last point, you should know that men in Italy often carry man-bags, and the girl will take notice of the brand and quality. So the delicate balance here is to have a good quality attach\u00e9, but not of better<\/em> quality than her purse! Don’t show her up!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019ll notice how you treat your mother.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This is another delicate one. While it\u2019s expected that you\u2019d treat your mother with all the respect and reverence that she deserves, you don\u2019t want to go so far as to be labeled a \u201cmammone.\u201d (Mamma\u2019s boy.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One thing that drives an Italian woman crazy is when a man can\u2019t (figuratively) separate himself from the umbilical cord. Your potential girlfriend is already thinking about how this will affect the future marriage, should it ever get that far. Tread lightly and find the right balance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speaking of her Italian family\u2026<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The family is sacred, remember that. Dad, brothers, sisters, and especially HER mom (and her mom’s cooking, of course) are beyond reproach. Don’t try to make jokes about them. And if you don’t like children for some reason, keep it to yourself at this point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember that an Italian girl is always a “mother on the inside\u201d so when she introduces you to her cousins, grandchildren, godchildren, etc., make sure that you open your eyes wide in amazement and don’t spare the pampering and compliments. So show off your best “oohs! and ahhs!\u201d Make sure to smile, cry, whatever you have to do, and you\u2019ll be in their good graces. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Regarding other men in her life\u2026<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re talking about men in her family. When you date an Italian woman, you\u2019ll no doubt feel (if not directly see) the lurking presence of overprotective fathers, grandfathers, brothers, and uncles. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make sure to show some respect without laying it on too thick. Italian fathers often proclaim that their daughters are not able to date until they are in their thirties. Although this might seem like a joke, there is a whiff of seriousness to it. Or at least you\u2019ll sense that the father would prefer it that way. Don’t try to be his “buddy.” Instead, treat him more like your boss. Which, in a way, he sort of is… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Italian girls gossip.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Maybe \u201cgossip\u201d isn\u2019t the right word, but they\u2019ll certainly share some intimate details with their sisters and female cousins. And somehow, sooner or later, her mother, aunts, and grandmother will also be aware of whatever is going on with the boy in question. This will explain the “tsk-tsk” looks that will eventually be aimed squarely at you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn to speak Italian.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It should go without saying. Even if an Italian girl speaks good English, sooner or later she will inevitably unleash an idiomatic expression that only a native Italian<\/a> can understand. Often these have a unique meaning in the Italian cultural landscape, and therefore essential to \u201ccommunicating\u201d rather than just chatting. If you are unable to grasp the subtle nuances, you\u2019ll be lost. In more ways than one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Minimize the small talk.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Steer towards deeper conversations. This can be difficult if there\u2019s a big language gap, but in general Italians are very well-rounded in the arts, culture, history, literature, politics, and such, and they appreciate talking about these things rather than how much money your company earned in the last fiscal quarter. (Yawn\u2026) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And of course, don\u2019t make the conversation all about you. Be curious and attentive to her interests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watch the stereotyping.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Speaking of conversation, be careful about discussing Italians or Italian culture in any ways that might be too stereotypical. This is a certain path to quick dismissal. Just don\u2019t do it. You can apply this to any social situation, really, not just dating Italian women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gender roles<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Oh, this is a tough one, and really a no-win situation for any man. However, in this case, an American man dating an Italian girl might have a slight advantage because you can (legitimately) claim ignorance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the one hand, Italy is an overwhelmingly patriarchal society, especially in the more traditional, Catholic south of the country. But on the other hand, women are more \u201crevered\u201d than men, especially their mother, of course, who serves as the family\u2019s stand-in for Mother Mary herself, and should be treated with equal respect. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"All<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Still, a more defined division of gender roles persists in Italy than in the US or UK. Men from other cultures might find it bewildering that their Italian girlfriend demands he \u201ctake care\u201d of her. Whereas women might view their Italian boyfriend’s desire to \u201cprotect his woman\u201d a bit too chauvinistic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dating \u201calla romana\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In Rome, or in the North of Italy, dates are often \u201cDutch Treat,\u201d or what is called \u201calla romana,\u201d meaning each pays for whatever they order. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the South of Italy the guy will pay for his date, so gentlemen should make sure they bring enough money to cover the bill in case she doesn’t offer to split it. It is absolutely not conceivable that a girl in Naples would take out her wallet. It is taken for granted that the man will pay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Italian Females are emotional.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a stereotype? Well, yes, because it\u2019s true in most cases. To be fair, it’s a cultural norm more than a personality trait. Women are expected to be emotional, and if they acted more \u201crational,\u201d the family members would worry about her, maybe assume that she might be depressed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They are not shy about telling you off if your actions fall short of their expectations. At the same, if they have a sudden wave of romantic passion, you\u2019ll certainly know about that, too!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The best advice is to expect to fight. And expect to lose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Dating<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Italian women do NOT forget. Anything.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Put another way, they hold grudges from the past, and aren\u2019t afraid to bring them up when they feel they might be losing an argument in the present time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately, there isn\u2019t much that you can do about this except take your medicine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Italian girls love (Italian) food.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This seems obvious, but there\u2019s a bit more than initially meets the eye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First of all, they are NOT gluttonous. In fact, gluttony is considered disrespectful to the food. You can woof down a McDonald\u2019s hamburger in ten seconds, if you\u2019re inclined, but you don\u2019t shovel mamma\u2019s lasagna into your mouth while standing in front of the TV watching soccer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So they \u201clove\u201d food, but perhaps it\u2019s more accurate to say that they appreciate food. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And also, the term \u201cItalian food\u201d has no meaning inside of Italy. Instead, Italians talk about regional cuisine<\/a>, or more precisely, their family\u2019s own recipes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore you wouldn\u2019t likely see a girl from Napoli eating fegato al veneziano. And you\u2019d certainly never see her eat Tex-Mex, or Asian-Cuban fusion. Nope. Mamma\u2019s pasta is the best food on the planet, so why eat anything else?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First date? How about an aperitivo at a quaint bar?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

First dates have enough pressure, so keep the venue light and easy. Aperitivo is perfect; some light bites, and one drink to lubricate the conversations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember, Italians don\u2019t \u201cget drunk,\u201d so limit yourself to one, or two maximum. It\u2019s considered boorish and uncouth to be a \u201cdrinker\u201d in the Anglo-American-Australian sense of the term. In short, if you get too tipsy it is guaranteed to be both your first and last date with the ragazza in question. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Strike while the iron is hot<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The classic mistake that many make is waiting to ask a girl out until it’s too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who stall, do not take risks, and wait for the “perfect moment” … sooner or later realizes that this “perfect moment” has passed, and now she only sees him as a friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is this: girls don’t wait around forever. They have options (more than you, anyway), and the competition for their affections is fierce. This means that if you wait too long, you lose the opportunity forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They are never on time.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

To be fair, Italian men generally aren\u2019t the most punctual either. Again, it\u2019s a cultural thing, and please don\u2019t embarrass yourself by trying to change them. Certainly, it will only inspire them to be even MORE late the next time. Just go with it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, but there\u2019s one exception to this rule when all Italians are as punctual as a Swiss watchmaker. When mamma says, \u201ca tavola!\u201d everyone is in their assigned seat within ten seconds!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They are spontaneous and live in the moment? Or not\u2026<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s this myth about Mediterranean people in general \u201cliving in the moment,\u201d very carefree and unbothered by the drudgeries of the world that the rest of us have to endure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is true, but only on the surface. The full truth is that Italians are worriers, especially the women. They fret over everything; their looks, their families, their jobs, their food. But at the same time, there\u2019s a certain resignation that implores them to say, \u201cEverything is impossible, so let\u2019s just have a good dinner and a nice bottle of wine with family and friends.\u201d And with that, the stereotype is perpetuated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dating an Italian Girl in Summary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

One last piece of advice for foreign men looking to woo those belle italiane<\/em> is don\u2019t try too hard to adapt. Yes, make certain concessions to let her know that you\u2019re not ignorant to her cultural norms. But remember, if she\u2019s interested enough in you to go out on a date, then she\u2019s also aware of your \u201cforeignness\u201d and will give you a bit of latitude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How much? Well, that depends on the girl. Your straniero<\/em> status might be the very thing that has attracted her to you, in which case, play it up! Or it might be the one thing about you that she\u2019s having a hard time with, so try to find some middle ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Suffice to say, she\u2019s well aware that you\u2019re not Italian and will judge you accordingly, for better or worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"marry<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Dating an Italian girl is NEVER boring, that’s for sure. Their reputations as “emotional but sweet” is mostly earned. Yes, they can be a bit “high-maintenance,” but they’ll make it worth your while. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you’re a foreigner guy in Italy, whether as a relocated expat or even a tourist, don’t be shy give it a try. But don’t say that you weren’t warned!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The idea of dating an Italian girl might seem exciting to many foreign men. But it is not without its risks and opportunities for public embarrassment.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11680,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[179],"tags":[156,661,444,352],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11684"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11684"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11684\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11890,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11684\/revisions\/11890"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11680"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11684"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11684"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rickzullo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11684"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}